Not Worth The Effort

I had written an entry, under Daily Prompt, about the one person who I never want should read my blog. Just in case you didn’t, here it is – https://scriptunderconstruction.wordpress.com/2013/07/10/trespassers-will-break-my-heart/ It’s about my father and I don’t want him to read my blog because it would disappoint him one way or the other. Who would want to know that their daughter is so screwed up in the head and can’t pull herself together?

Yet, in a spurt of courage, I told him about my blog and encouraged him to read it. I thought that if he knew how I felt, what I was going through, what ran through my head… maybe, just maybe, he would understand me and try to see things from this side of the wall that stands between us. I was so hopeful; even ecstatic at the idea of being so close to my father, then man I love but cannot love at the same time. Like most things that I do, this was wrong. This trail of thought was wrong. I was wrong.

He just converted everything into – ‘you’re getting distracted from the main thing, academics’. I just discovered that in life, feelings do not matter at all. The tears might mean something to you, the sinking feeling around might mean something to you, your legs giving away from the pain and hurt of everything around might mean something to you but all these things do not mean anything to anyone else. At all. And I was foolish enough to believe that parents will always understand us, always believe in us, always be there for us but I was wrong. My parents proved this statement wrong.

I am going to do well. I am going to do bloody well. And I am not going to do it for anyone else. I am not going to do it to shove it in my dad’s face and say, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? I am going to do what makes me happy. Screw what everyone else in the entire planet thinks. It’s not worth the effort to care about what does or does not disappoint others. I keep learning this over and over and over and over.

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5 thoughts on “Not Worth The Effort

  1. Dear author / Friend ,
    i want to tell you 100 things after reading this but will cut it short.
    a)i don’t know why we are adapting to the culture which makes us not feel good about ourselves?? . i have read and understood about your dreams you had , the tough times you had with your friend , the feeling of emptiness and all that .

    b)i want you to come out of all this and bring a Positive transformation within.
    look at the brighter side of life . reduce being hurt, and become emotionally stronger.

    c)somewhere i read ” in life there are no mistakes , only lessons” take the lesson .
    yes i hurts when you expect someone to understand your situations and they don’t.

    d)Probably writing is one way to vent out your pain , express your emotions . if that makes you feel better never stop writing .

  2. I think we all hate disappointing our parents, and no matter how much we try, we can never be perfect. He may not always agree with you, and don’t forget they come from a generation where marks are everything, where creativity wasn’t as appreciated as it is today. You’re a creative person, I don’t know what grade you study in but for your career choice, if you chose wisely, this creativity, which people don’t realize the preciousness of, can take you to the top of the world. Just hold on? And parents aren’t perfect either. But if you see an ideal person in him, remember that you are very very lucky. And he loves you and one day he’ll understand your motives behind a blog.
    Love
    Aiza Tariq x

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